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05-Jun-2019 08:59

" I said, "No, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy." "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling? He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex? "I don't do any of those things." He looked at me and said, "Then why do you want to live to 80." 1. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become paralyzed, she called her doctor’s office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.

Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. “On a woman,” the doctor said, “your heart would be just below your left breast.” Later that night, Elizabeth was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee! 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

I flushed it just in case I had And sat down just in case I'd not. There's no need for getting sore It may be that I think I've written And don't need to write no more. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you? You think humor must be good for your body, exercise and diets haven't worked well. A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

Now I stand beside the mail box With a face so very red Instead of mailing you the letter I have opened it instead. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. " Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'" The doctor said, "I didn't say that. Be careful.'" Two elderly ladies meet at the drug store after not seeing one another for some time. He went out to the garden to dig up a potato's for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch! I'm very sorry." replied her friend "What did you do? She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

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Ward arrived as well, and we are now Uncertain which one is your husband's. "Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's, and The other one tested positive for AIDS. " "The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off Somewhere in the middle of town. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. ' 'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. You answer automatically when someone addresses you "Old Timer." You burn your midnight oil after p.m.

"Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls home and screams at her dad, "You are NOT getting divorced. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares... I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top. You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions. Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 years ago today! You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

For sometimes I cannot remember When I stand atop the stairs, If I must go down for something Or if I've just come up from there. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available." The old guy said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed.

And before the fridge, so often My mind is filled with nagging doubt. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown." A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting married? Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup." A young man was giving an old timer a hard time about not being able to remember anything. The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.



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