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21-Jul-2019 10:11

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This is the boost the low-paid have been waiting for, because poor wages are caused by immigration.For example, the nurses have gone several years without a rise, because of a pay cap imposed by Bulgarians.They also take many of our most talented and professional pensioners, who are so skilful they can live in a Spanish village for twenty years and still not have the slightest idea how to say “please” in anything but English.So it’s encouraging that the negotiations are going so smoothly.Because now we can stand in a market and know our beetroot can be triangular without being confiscated by the EU, should we so desire – that’s got to be worth £50bn.And to make it happen, we have the joy of the government having to introduce Henry VIII laws, so to get out of the outdated bureaucratic EU, we have to go forward into the sixteenth century.David Davis warned us: “No one said Brexit will be easy,” and this is true, as no one did – except his negotiating colleague Liam Fox, who said a Brexit deal “should be the easiest in history”, but it would be unfair to interpret this as suggesting it might be easy.

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But PROPER British jobs such as knight, chimney sweep, coming 26th in Eurovision and pissing in a foreign fountain will be reserved for BRITISH workers.

Luckily, once we’re out of the EU, we’ll rely on investment from America, where I’m sure their burger chains treat staff with far more kindness.

The slogan the Government seems keen to adopt is British jobs for British workers.

And half the staff in London restaurants are from the EU, but now we can look forward to going out to eat, fetching an empty plate from the kitchen and enjoying an ENGLISH meal, that isn’t cooked or prepared and doesn’t consist of any food so we can look out of the window for an hour and then leave because we’ve got SOVEREIGNTY.

We can lie on hospital trolleys singing the National Anthem between screams, enjoying the freedom of knowing none of our taxes are going towards foreign nurses so we can stick a Union Jack in our open wound as it turns septic, shedding tears of happiness because we’re in charge of our affairs again.But I have a few Swedish girlfriends and they all have opinions of their fellow male counterparts. Swedish guys have done a good job of losing their balls over the years, part thanks to feminism, part thanks to super tight jeans that served as self castrating devices.

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